When Should You Break Up With Your Doctor?

Everyone wants to find a great doctor. As an emergency physician, I am privy to stories about doctors, both good and bad.

Some patients love their doctor and would follow them to the moon and back. I’m happy for you if this is the case. You hit the jackpot.

Others tell me that they’re not so happy with their doctor. For those of you who are in this situation, I am a big believer in searching for a new doctor.

Whether it’s their bedside manner, a missed diagnosis, or the fact that you just don’t feel your doctor is helping you with a medical problem, there is no reason to feel stuck.

You have plenty of options and you SHOULDN’T SETTLE when the chemistry is lacking.

It is a complicated process to find a doctor. So once established, patients become loyal to that practice, even if they feel they could be receiving better care.

If you went to the corner bakery and didn’t like their cookies, or if you shopped at the local grocery store and the staff was rude to you, would you return? I would venture to say the answer is no. So why is it different with doctors?

There is recent evidence to suggest that the doctor patient relationship, the trust between you and your physician, can be just as important as the actual medical treatments that are prescribed. Not only will you have greater satisfaction with your care, but you can have better health!

This makes sense to me. If you trust your doctor, you are more likely to tell that doctor more information about yourself. And you are more likely to be compliant with the medications prescribed.

So it is vitally important that you find a doctor that makes you feel cared for. Find someone to whom you are willing to spill the beans so to say.

How to find your ideal doctor

Strategy #1: Check Your Insurance

Unfortunately, the reality is that the doctor you choose has to take your insurance, unless you will be paying out of pocket. It would stink to find a great doctor just to realize that they do not take your insurance type. So do your research first and then follow the steps below before making an appointment.

Strategy #2: Ask For Referrals

Friends and family members who live nearby may have a doctor that they love. If this is the case, your job may be quite easy to find someone great. Sites like Nextdoor can also help provide recommendations from trusted neighbors.

Remember that you may not always sync with these doctors either. Just because your friend or family member refers you does not mean you have to stick with that person. These loved ones will understand if that doctor was not right for you. Move on to the next one.

Strategy #3: Use the First Visit as an Interview

This first visit is not only for your doctor to get to know you. This is a time for you to get to know your doctor. Ask a number of questions. What are the office policies? How much time do they normally spend with a patient? What are their values?

If your doctor believes strongly in something that you don’t, then you might not be compatible with each other. See how much your doctor listens to you and how much they interrupt. Do you feel comfortable in the room? Remember, the doctor is there to provide a service to you. You have the right to see if they are a good fit or not. If not, keep searching.

Strategy #4: Don’t Rely Strictly on Internet Reviews

The internet is fraught with positive and negative reviews on doctors. You can find ratings on a number of websites such as healthgrades, physician compare, rateMDs, Angie’s List, and even Yelp.

Even though these ratings can be a gauge of a physician’s patient satisfaction, they do not always support whether you will be compatible with that physician. Having said this, understanding red flags such as malpractice claims can help you make an informed decision. Getting sued once or even twice happens to most doctors during their careers, but more than this might raise suspicion.

The Centers for Medicare and Medicaid have made transparency a major goal. Their site Physician Compare is growing daily and can provide insight into your doctor. Again, understand the information before taking it as gospel.

Strategy #5: Avoid the Waits

Waiting for appointments or camping out in the waiting room for unreasonable amounts of time can be very frustrating. How long does it take to get an appointment? If you can never see your doctor or someone in the office when you’re sick, then this could be a no-go.

On the other hand, if you love your doctor and you’re ok going to an urgent care or emergency department when necessary, then by all means stick with that office.

One to two weeks would seem appropriate for a routine visit. I know how busy doctors are these days, but if I’m sick, I want access to see a provider at my doctor’s office on the same day.

Finally, if the waiting room time frustrates you enough, you may need to look around for a new office. Your time is as important as the doctor’s time, but be reasonable if they’re running just a tad late.

Strategy #6: Pay Attention to the Staff

Staff in an office can be just as important at the doctor. How easy is it to get in touch with the office? Is there a long phone menu? Who do you talk to when you are in need of help, a nurse, a clerk, the doctor? Are you treated with respect?

Sometimes the best doctors can have operationally deficient offices. You’ll have to make the decision whether your relationship with that doctor is good enough to deal with these other flaws.

Strategy #7: Ask Why

We assume our doctors are smart. They went to medical school and completed a residency. Their title says “board certified.” But many doctors get into habits that are not always backed up by evidence.

It’s not a problem to question your doctor on the evidence. They should welcome a conversation about why they are prescribing a specific treatment or medication. If they are defensive, then perhaps a new doctor is warranted. And if they can’t tell you an answer, then maybe you should think of switching practices.

Conclusion

In my experience, 99.999% of doctors care about their patients and want to provide the best treatment possible. But that doesn’t mean that the chemistry always fits.

There is no harm in looking around until you find a doctor you mesh with, or even asking for a second opinion. This should be standard practice to find the right doc who can help you navigate a very complex healthcare system.

The next time you see a doctor and don’t feel the chemistry, think about whether searching for a new doctor may be the right choice for you.